Relationships
Working Through Relationship Challenges
Support for meaningful connection and growth
Relationships sit at the core of our emotional lives. They influence how safe, seen, and supported we feel, and they can profoundly affect our mood, resilience, motivation, and even physical health. When connection feels strained—whether through recurring arguments, emotional distance, fear of being abandoned, difficulty trusting, or the sense that you keep repeating familiar patterns — it can leave you feeling unsettled or alone even when surrounded by others.
Relationship difficulties are rarely about a single event. They often emerge from a combination of current stressors (work pressure, life transitions, parenting load), unspoken needs, nervous system responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), and earlier experiences that shaped how you learned to relate. Relationship therapy — whether individual or couples counselling — offers a steady, confidential space to unpack these layers, understand what is happening underneath reactive moments, and gradually shift toward healthier patterns of connection.
At Sommers Psychotherapy, we offer a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can explore these experiences, uncover the underlying patterns, and work toward healthier, more fulfilling ways of relating — both to others and to yourself. Whether you’re struggling in a romantic partnership, family, friendships, or co‑parenting relationships, we’re here to support you through the complexity.
Why Relationships Matter
Secure and supportive relationships are associated with greater emotional regulation, stronger stress recovery, and a clearer sense of identity. Conversely, chronically strained relationships can contribute to heightened anxiety, low mood, shame, loneliness, sleep disruption, irritability, and difficulties concentrating.
You may seek relationship counselling because you are:
- Cycling through similar conflicts that never seem fully resolved.
- Feeling unseen, dismissed, or over-responsible for keeping the peace.
- Struggling after a betrayal or trust rupture.
- Finding closeness overwhelming or fearing abandonment when someone pulls back.
- Repeating relationship “types” that leave you unfulfilled.
- Navigating a breakup, separation, or divorce and feeling unanchored.
- Managing complex family, friendship, or co‑parenting dynamics.
Therapy acknowledges the importance of these bonds while recognising that healthy connection doesn’t mean constant harmony; it means the capacity to repair, renegotiate, and realign.
Signs You Might Benefit from Support
- Escalation: Minor topics rapidly become emotionally charged.
- Withdrawal or Shutdown: Avoiding meaningful topics or stonewalling.
- Hypervigilance: Waiting for criticism or fearing emotional withdrawal.
- Role Rigidity: Stuck as the “fixer,” “caretaker,” or “problem.”
- Emotional Mismatch: Pursue–distance cycles around closeness and space.
- Boundary Difficulties: Saying “yes” when you mean “no,” guilt when asserting needs.
- Repeating Endings: Similar breakdowns across different relationships over time.
Early support can prevent entrenched patterns and reduce resentment.
Improving Communication & Understanding
Many couples and individuals come to therapy because communication has broken down. Misunderstandings, assumptions, or reactive habits can make it hard to feel heard. Therapy can help you:
- Slow down conversations so both people can speak and listen.
- Recognise triggers that lead to conflict or shutdown.
- Express needs without blame or defensiveness.
- Develop emotional literacy — the ability to name feelings and share them constructively.
Even small shifts in communication can lead to a stronger sense of connection and trust.
Conflict vs. Connection
Conflict is not necessarily a sign that a relationship is failing. In fact, disagreements can be healthy when they lead to understanding and repair. What creates strain is unresolved conflict, repeated criticism, contempt, or avoidance. Therapy helps you identify when conflict is productive, when it’s harmful, and how to return to a place of mutual respect and connection.
How Stress Impacts Relationships
External stressors — such as job pressure, health challenges, or parenting demands — can spill over into your closest connections. When your nervous system is on high alert, patience shortens, and misunderstandings grow. Therapy can help you notice when stress is driving the dynamic, allowing you to respond rather than react.
Underlying Factors: How Patterns Develop
Attachment and Relational Templates
Early caregiving experiences can influence how we expect others to respond when we reach out, disagree, or show vulnerability. If past responses were inconsistent or unsafe, present‑day closeness may trigger anxiety (“Will they leave?”), avoidance (“If I stay distant, I stay safe”), or internal conflict. Therapy does not label you but helps you recognise these learned strategies and experiment with new ways of engaging that feel safer and more flexible.
Many of these responses are shaped by attachment patterns developed in childhood, which continue to influence adult relationships. Understanding whether you tend toward secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment patterns can provide valuable insight into your relational behaviours and emotional needs.
Family Dynamics and Early Roles
You may have grown up as the mediator, the “responsible one,” the rebel, or the emotional support for a parent. Such roles can crystallise into adult responses — overfunctioning, people‑pleasing, difficulty trusting, or expecting rejection. Exploring these origins increases self-compassion and creates room for deliberate choice.
Self-Worth and Shame
Low self-worth may lead to tolerating dismissive or controlling behaviour, overexplaining, or interpreting neutral pauses as rejection. Therapy helps distinguish relational reality from inner critic narratives, strengthening a core sense of worth that isn’t contingent on constant approval.
Emotional Regulation and the Nervous System
Relational stress can activate fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. Recognising physiological cues — racing thoughts, numbness, appeasing — allows earlier regulation and fewer reactive cycles.
Unresolved Loss or Trauma
Past bereavements, betrayals, or trauma can sensitise the system to perceived abandonment or control. Addressing original wounds reduces projection onto present relationships and supports clearer boundaries.
Broader Relationship Contexts
Friendships and Social Support
Therapy can help address drift, imbalance, resentment, or difficulty forming new friendships — particularly during transitions, relocation, or social anxiety.
Workplace & Professional Relationships
Power dynamics and boundary strain at work may mirror personal relational patterns. Understanding these links can reduce burnout and improve communication.
Family Systems, Blended Families & Co‑Parenting
Step‑parenting, differing parenting philosophies, or contact with ex‑partners can be complex. Therapy helps negotiate roles, articulate values, and create child‑centred plans while respecting adult boundaries.
Life Transitions & Milestones
Cohabitation, parenting, fertility journeys, menopause, retirement, and caregiving roles shift identity and emotional load. Therapy supports ongoing renegotiation and grief for changing roles.
Endings, Separation & Redefinition
Therapy can support healthy endings, pauses, or transitions from romantic to co‑parenting relationships — processing grief, relief, anger, and next steps.
After Toxic or Highly Distressing Relationships
If you’ve experienced controlling, manipulative, or emotionally abusive dynamics, therapy can help rebuild trust in your perceptions, re‑establish boundaries, and clarify what healthy connection looks like going forward.
The Emotional and Physical Impact of Relationship Strain
Persistent relational stress can contribute to anxiety, low mood, shame, loneliness, sleep issues, tension headaches, digestive discomfort, decision fatigue, and reliance on coping strategies that stop helping (overworking, shutting down, substance use). Addressing relational patterns often improves overall wellbeing — emotionally and physically.
Healing, Growth & When to Seek Support
Therapy offers both healing and growth — working through old pain while developing practical skills for healthier relationships. This includes:
- Mapping patterns and triggers to understand cycles of escalation or withdrawal.
- Building emotional literacy — learning to name feelings beneath reactions.
- Clarifying boundaries and needs so communication becomes clearer and less reactive.
- Repairing ruptures and rebuilding trust when connection feels fragile.
- Integration and preventative care, where you build resilience and insight even before a relationship reaches crisis point.
You might seek support when disagreements feel draining, patterns repeat across relationships, or trust has ruptured. Some clients arrive during life transitions, others after a painful breakup or toxic dynamic. Even if there’s no immediate crisis, therapy can be a proactive investment in connection and self-awareness.
Why Choose Sommers Psychotherapy for Relationship Support
- Whole‑person, integrative care: Relationship patterns are explored alongside stress, loss, neurodivergence, shame, and boundaries.
- Individual or couples support: Start on your own or attend together; we adapt relationship counselling to what feels safe and useful.
- Attachment- & trauma-aware, paced to safety: We consider nervous system responses and relational history without pathologising.
- Communication, boundary & trust repair skills: Practical tools you can use between sessions to reduce conflict and rebuild connection.
- Support through transition or separation decisions: Whether you’re repairing, redefining, or parting, therapy offers clarity without pressure.
- Collaborative and transparent: Goals reviewed with you; therapy tailored — never one‑size‑fits‑all.
Ready to Begin?
Reaching out for relationship support is not an admission of failure — it’s a proactive move toward clarity, health, and more authentic connection (including with yourself). Whether you want to strengthen a valued relationship, navigate a transition, heal after a painful ending, or interrupt repeating patterns, we’re here to help.
Contact us to arrange an initial appointment or ask a question. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Frequently Asked Questions
You can absolutely start alone. Many clients begin individual sessions to clarify feelings, boundaries, or next steps; others later invite a partner or family member. We’ll work in the format that best supports you.
Sessions create a calm, structured space to slow down patterns, hear each other, and explore what’s driving conflict or distance. We’ll identify goals, practise communication tools, and explore the emotional context beneath reactions.
Yes. We focus on listening without defensiveness, expressing needs clearly, and interrupting escalation loops. Even small shifts in communication can reduce tension and rebuild trust.
Therapy can support repair, clarity, or compassionate separation. Rather than pushing an outcome, we help you understand what’s happening, what matters most, and what path aligns with your wellbeing.
Earlier experiences often shape how we respond to closeness, conflict, and trust. We’ll explore those patterns at a pace that feels safe, so you have more choice in how you relate today.
It varies. Some clients focus on a specific issue in short‑term work; others stay longer to untangle deeper patterns or navigate transitions. We review goals together and adjust as needed.
An integrated approach to psychological therapy rejects rigid beliefs, acknowledging that there is no singular ultimate truth or superior form of psychotherapy. Instead, there are multiple realities that vary in their significance to each client, based on their specific issues and desired outcomes in therapy.
Psychodynamic therapy has its roots in psychoanalysis and Freudian concepts, however the present approach is evidence-based rather than theoretical.
The model assumes that psychological suffering arises from the dysfunctional functioning of the individual, which is unconscious and frequently established during early stages of life. The objective is to uncover and address these subconscious motivations and conflicts, in order to gain a deeper comprehension of the underlying subconscious reasons that impact individuals' cognitive processes, emotions, and behaviours.
The core of the therapeutic process revolves around the relationship between the client and therapist, where patterns of interaction are believed to be enacted and can be effectively addressed throughout the session.
Schema therapy is an evidence-based, integrative approach that blends cognitive, behavioural and experiential techniques. It recognises all aspects of neurophysiology in its approach.
Neuroscience informs us that every individual has an inherent ability for growth and healing. A positive, responsive, and safe relationship produces certain chemicals and hormones, which enhance the regulation of emotions, stress and neural firing. Thus a secure therapeutic relationship, in conjunction with the brain's neuroplasticity, offers the potential for change and fulfilment.
A 'schema' refers to a blueprint that individuals create to understand themselves, the world, and others. These schemas often lie at the root of their emotional challenges.
Schemas are developed in childhood when some or all of our needs are not met. Understanding our needs and the related schemas can help us to make changes to the patterns in which we find ourselves.
The humanistic approach is based on the fundamental ideals of unconditional positive regard and self-actualisation. This doesn’t mean that these are the therapist’s only tools. Therapists possess the skills to unravel complex issues and comprehend the broader context, although therapy sessions are client led.
This approach is especially beneficial in situations where there is a sense of shame, remorse, or when a client is finding it difficult to demonstrate self-compassion, which is crucial for the process of healing.
Gestalt therapy was developed by German psychiatrist Fritz Perls. It's focus is to liberate individuals from obstacles that hinder their genuine expression, fulfilment, and growth. It strives to help clients become more fully and creatively alive.
The therapy is interactive and feedback driven. A common technique is using an empty chair and imagining there is a person, or part of yourself, that you're in conflict with sitting there. With this technique you explore conflicts within yourself, giving voice to both sides which can lead to resolution and self-awareness.
The approach does not place moral values on one emotion vs another, so it’s okay to explore anger, envy, rage, etc without judgment.
Experiential Dynamic Therapy is a combination of art and science that allows for the investigation of themes like love, meaning, and existential purpose. This approach condenses the most efficient components of psychodynamic techniques into a more focused strategy to facilitate transformation.
Verbal communication being insufficient, transformation also requires a deeper integration of change that is experienced on an emotional level which emphasises our conscious and unconscious interactions with ourselves and others.
This is a relatively directive approach so the therapist does not adopt a passive role but rather actively engages and collaborates in the process.
Based on existential philosophy, this form of psychotherapy seeks to reveal the fundamental essence of the individual, enabling the client to gain genuine self-awareness - an understanding of oneself as a person.
Factors such as the country and family of birth, historical context, societal systems, genetic makeup, and physical attributes all contribute to shaping one's identity.
Transpersonal psychotherapy is an approach that has been shaped by influential figures such as Carl Jung, Roberto Assagioli, and Abraham Maslow. It is a humanistic approach which addresses the individual as part of a spiritual whole, facilitating clients in uncovering their fundamental self through the process of self-actualisation and self-realisation - moving beyond the self, beyond the limits of ego and personality.
In Jungian terms, self- actualisation can be seen as having dealt with one’s shadow self. In eastern philosophies it is seen as a drive towards a higher state of being, whilst Maslow related self-actualisation to "peak experiences".
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a psychotherapeutic strategy that focuses on taking action. It combines acceptance and mindfulness techniques with commitment and behaviour tactics to enhance psychological flexibility.
Mindfulness is not a cognitive process, but rather a practice of awareness. It urges us to fully engage with each present moment, rather than becoming caught up in a whirlwind of internal thoughts and worries. Mindfulness is increasingly becoming a crucial component of psychological therapies in Western societies.
Mindfulness practice, often linked to stress reduction and a sense of calm, has been proven to strengthen memory, as well as increase awareness, empathy, and compassion.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a proactive and cooperative therapeutic approach that focuses on finding solutions to address and rectify cognitive and emotional biases and issues. By challenging and modifying our thought patterns and emotions, CBT empowers individuals to independently pursue a more fulfilling life.
Although we are unable to alter our past experiences, we have the ability to modify our approach to the present, enabling us to progress towards a more hopeful future.
Systemic therapy operates on the fundamental belief that we are always engaged in collaborative relationships with others.
Individuals do not exist in isolation, but rather are interconnected with others through various social units such as families, social groups, and colleagues. Consequently, a significant number of our problems are mutually experienced.
Systemic therapy focuses on the strengths of the individual and their capacity to respect and understand others’ experiences, beliefs, and culture. By understanding these differences and appreciating the needs of others, systemic therapy has the potential to bring about meaningful change in people’s lives.
Systemic therapy aims to reduce conflict by improving interactions, by recognising deep-rooted patterns. This approach looks at different ways of viewing and understanding those around you and to understand how different factors affect people within your system.
IFS was developed by psychologist Richard Schwartz when he began to observe patterns in how people described their inner lives.
IFS therapy aims to take a compassionate, holistic approach to healing via engaging all parts of your personality in talk therapy. By learning about these parts, we can feel better and more balanced. Some of these sub-personalities consist of wounded parts and painful emotions such as anger and shame, and parts that try and control and protect the person from the pain of the wounded parts. The sub-personalities are often in conflict with each other and with one’s core Self, a concept that describes the confident, compassionate, whole person that is at the core of every individual.
IFS focuses on healing the wounded parts and restoring mental balance and harmony by changing the dynamics that create discord among the sub-personalities and the Self.
FEES - Please contact each practitioner directly.
£110
For in-person sessions
£90-£95
For online sessions